nothing. to not be able to say anything at a crucial moment, in fact at all crucial moments, but to actually just sit and say nothing, finally told me everything. i no longer need to drown in self torment, because i no longer care. the nothingness that came out when something....anything...should have, hurt so damn much. to mean that little, to have no words. to be numb though...completely numb...to all feelings finally feels freeing.